Red is the color i see

Ok guys i went to the eye surgeon again today.... and it looks like another round of lasers are in store for me. I think i am just going to resign myself to the fact that I created to much damage and right now it is paying me back. I have thickened Visceral fluid (that means I have swelling in my macula and retina) I have growing weed like blood veins that are weak and thinning to burst. Not what i was hoping for but it is just another part of the journey. My eyes were blurry today very blurry due to the swelling... but that is what it is like almost every day. or with a dark cast over things (bloody water i look through)... the visceral fluid is thickened because of the RBC's (red blood cells) that are floating around in there... I don't know guys I don't know whether to be relieved or to be scared... I guess I should be happy that I wasn't worse I guess because being scared sure as hell isn't getting me anywhere except sleepless nights, worry lines and dark circles. I guess i will just keep blowing up my screen so that I can see it... My cousin Sweet Rete gave me the suggestion of looking for items that would help me out such as voiced control ed computer and so forth.... so i may do that... I don't want to lose my job or my insurance and not sure how much longer Mike is going to "allow" me to be sick before he throws me out into the street... (of which i am sure he has thought about several times)... I am going to try to call KATS (a taxi type service) I think I will try to hire them to drive me to my appointments instead of being a burden to family and friends but i don't know if they go that far or if i can even afford it... I know that all of you are getting tired of it anyway... Today was funny Daddy took me up to my appointment because he had one at another hospital today... we left my house at 5 a.m. just so we could miss the traffic... I was sitting in the lobby of my eye clinic (Integris Building D) at 6:30 a.m. along with the security guard... My appointment was at 8:45 a.m... I was able to watch all the employee's walk in today... I am thankful though because Daddy took me and because I couldn't see to drive to even come back home if i had drove... The did the dye test on me today... they shoot red dye into your vein and then in rapid succession shoot bright lighted pictures of your eye.... you see nothing but red, pink etc... again it made me sick as a dog i was bent over trying not to throw up afterward... Talk about photosynthesis. and of course with your eyes dilated also seeing is an impossibility but today they found the spots that will burst soon and the new growth... and what they have to "spot" weld and "kill" starting the 6th of May... You know funny thing Sweet Rete told me to think about my hobbies that I could incorporate into my life if I do go blind... All need me to see to do them... Quilting, Cooking, Genealogy, Gavyn, Puzzles, Gardening... oh well i will cross that bridge when i get there i guess...

Here is a fast easy recipe I found on Obesityhelp.com: I didn't add the almonds but replaced it with pecans...

Vivian’s OATMEAL ALMOND LACE COOKIES
1 ½ cup rolled oats
1/4 cup Spenda Brown Sugar Blend
1 t. baking powder
½ cup sliced almonds ( optional )
1/3 cup unsalted butter
1 lg. egg
½ t. vanilla
½ t. almond extract
1 t. cinnamon
Preheat oven to 350* Mix oats, sugar, baking powder, almonds. Then add butter ( melted ) egg. & flavorings & cinnamon. Drop by spoonfuls on prepared cookie sheet and flatten. Bake till starts to brown around the edges. Let cookies stand 2 minutes before removing from pan.

Oh here is a book everyone should read... it's about the "right" diet... and then tells you about the food you do eat like meat, beans, veggies etc... i got it from Amazon The Encyclopedia of Healing Foods

Signing off at 200% magnification... tata...

EYES EYES EVERYWHERE EYES

I wonder somtimes what in the world i have done to deserve this eye thing. I hate laser surgeries or even the dye crap that you have to take to let them see the breaks and the fissures and the broken spots. Of course it only makes me sick as a dog and makes me see red litereally. Have you ever seen RED.... it gives new meaning to rose colored glasses. everything is red or tinged or hued red. everything everybody everything. it's like jodi's face was brilliant pink.... light bulbs are blood red.... brown things are dark red... and the feeling you get is just one of weirdness. Now the time that Mark took me everything blue was gone... I couldn't see blue at all but the things that were blue were green in color... oh then of course there is the seeing of the bleeding veins... where it bursts out and all i see is the line of blood and the feathing of the blood as it dilutes in my sirus fluid... oh well i guess i will only go through what I can handle but i am getting tired of handling it....

I get my boy today. he has had a rash that looks bad. I wish he coudl talk so that we could help him when he is upset but now it is just a guessing game... but i do get my boy today...

ok here is a recipe that I have tried and it is good...

Sourthwest Lasguna
1 lbs of hamburger
1 can of black beans rinses and dried
1 package of taco seasoning
(1 cup of corn) this is optional and not for me
1 cup of salsa

15 ounces of ff ricotta cheese
1 cup of monterrey jack cheese
2 cloves of garlic
onion powder ( to your prefferece)
garlic powder
(9 low carb Lasguna noodles ( i don't use this either because i havent found the dreamfields kind
1 1/2 cup of your favorite spagetti sauce ( I used Low Carb Rao's Homemade Sauce Garlic)

Brown beef and drain ( also use a paper towel to sop up the rest of the grease) add black beans (corn) salsa and taco seasoning set aside

Mix ricotta, cheese, garlic, onion

layer in a 9 x 13 pan.... 3 noodles; half hamberger mix, 1/2 cup of spagetti sauce, half ricotta, 3 more noodles, rest of meat mix, 1/2 cup of spagetti sauce the rest of the ricotta. top with last three noodles 1/2 cup of spagetti sauce and 1 cup of monterry jack cheese... bake on 350 for 45 minutes...

**** note**** i don't eat corn because of my band nor do i eat pasta any more... so i made this using just three layers.... meat mix on bottom, 1 cup of spagetti sauce, ricotta cheese mix on top of that.... then 1/2 cup of spagetti sauce and cheese... i only baked it for 30 minutes.... it was good and gave me the lasguna fix.... freezes well too... i had 12 pieces... ate one... left one out of next night... froze the rest..

tata for now

Happy Happy Monday

Well today was just like any other day. work and home... you would think that it would be better but it was boring... I did go to Mr. Lee took a look at my eyes and declaired them good... but then on the way home I had a bleed... so apparently they weren't that good... I am beginning to think that my eyes start bleeding because of stress.... i had just taken a phone call and was terribly upset when i noticed my eyes bleeding... so need to destress.... before eyeballs explode...

made myself a treat...
chocolate almond mousse
1 package of sf ff chocolate fudge instant pudding mix
2 scoops of EAS whey powder
2 cups of silk soy milk plain
1/2 carton of cool whip free
1/2 cup of coconut (unsweetened)
1/2 cup of slivered almonds

mix pudding mix and whey powder and milk together
add in cool whip, coconut and almonds... refridgerate

it was good and is great...

Barometer is a working

Well it must be going to rain today. all weekend it was over cast and humid and my stomach was truly upset. I could feel it being tight. Well this morning it is extremely tight I feel like i will throw up any time now... so no eating at all... just liquids. This last weekend I ate mainly liquids or mushies (scrambled eggs, mashed bananas etc.) you know it is OK that this is like this I guess now i can add weather forecaster to my list of wondrous things that Brenda can do. I at least know when it will rain. hahaha...

I did something this weekend that helped me... I took a box of fat free sugar free vanilla pudding, two cups of milk (1% Braum's) and added sugar free coconut syrup and some mashed bananas... Found out that Sam's sells sugar free DaVinci syrups in different flavors... so get some from there if you can to add a little different flavor. nect time I am going to add protein powder to it to raise the protein..

Oh and got some Parmesan encrusted Tilapia at Sam's haven't eaten it yet but you just bake it... it looks good... maybe tonight well maybe tomorrow since the rain is supposed to be gone. it had a recipe for Mayo mixed with basil and tomatoes to go on top of it... I may just try it...

well off to the showers and then to work I go. You know I would like to start my own business I really need to look into that... because my idea of purchasing out my boss is completely gone...

signing off for today Brenda

Seeing Red

As most of you will know I am a pretty level headed person. It takes a lot to make me really pissed off or to steam and not very many people can make me do that. Two of the worst offences that I have against people are waste and stupidity oh and one more the thinking that they are better than me or others. In today's world i often meet people like that and I usually just cross them off and walk away because I really don't need to have that stuff in my life. But yesterday it just sort of crept in. I have a nice job I make enough to pay my bills (mortgage, car payment, utilities and other things in my life. I do make extravagances but I first make sure I pay the important bills. I am not complaining about my job or the amount of money I make because in today's economics I am just glad I have a job. Yesterday an acquaintance contacted me and proceeded to tell me about their problems - lack of money - need of allowance raise - the in ability to get the things they need. This would always be sad and I would be sympathetic but this person makes twice the amount I do per month. does not have a mortgage or car payment or even pays the utilities or other bills, This person doesn't even work but lives off their spouse. The more they complained to me the angrier I got until I actually was seeing red. I am not mad about that they make more than I do. But because of the audacity that they had to complain and wanted to find out what to do to get more. I know of people that can't even put food on their table or have to make choices as to which bills to pay each month and are behind more than ahead. But this person was pissed because they hadn't had a raise in their allowance in 4 years. Heck I haven't had a raise in 6 years but I am just glad to have a job. I know where the money goes where this person spends and I don't begrudge them for it but I have a problem with their ability to be ungrateful for what they do have and the fact that they think they are poor, down and out. Well enough of that I have calmed down alot... I slept on it and thought of better things like making my food and clothing donations to the poor closet at church.

Hey I fixed something this weekend that was good. It's a weight watchers recipe.

TACO SOUP
Makes 6 servings
1 pound ground beef browned
1 medium yellow onions diced
1 1/2 cups bush's best seasoned recipe black beans
1 3/4 cups bush's best cannellini beans
1 3/4 cups bush's best pinto beans
2 1/2 cups del monte diced tomatoes basil, garlic and
1 package taco seasoning mix
1 package ranch salad dressing mix
1 3/4 cups del monte fresh cut gold & white corn
4 ounces pace diced green chilies
Brown beef and onions. Add the rest and cook for 30 minutes... makes 6 servings 1 cup each....and will freeze well.

Well I am off to work... Hi HO HI HO it's off to work I go

BP'ing and Slimming

Well I had a very interesting weekend. I learned two new vocabulary words. BP'ing and Slimming. Now don't try to look these things up because they don't exist in Websters. Of course by the end of my journey they probably will.

BP'ing a lovely word not something that you ever consider but it actually means Burping Productively. Oh by this you wonder what this means. Well it is simple you get gas from something you ate and then the gas builds until you start to feel it getting ready to come out. Only it is not the stinking air you think it is. It is heavily fortified with what you ate. Your stomach rumples tosses and turns and oh and then the pain begins. it is only at this time that everything comes back up. And it doesn't matter what the food was it may have been something you ate all the time or it may have been something trivial... oh yeah it is so pleasant especially driving on a highway when it hits. Of course that was my fault because i shouldn't have been eating on the run. A big big no no with lap band or for that matter any time. All I could think about was pulling over and throwing up just to feel better. But next that is the biggie.

Slimming.... oh that sounds like a good word. slimming that dress looks slimming or those pants look slimming n you but that is not what it means in the WLS (weight loss surgery) world. It means that you ate something too fast or too large (remember no bigger than a pencil eraser), you gulped air or gulped water. It hits you right away there is no waiting or stopping no waiting to see if it passes. Your saliva builds up to where it is choking you or feels like you have a thick fluid in your throat oh and it keeps building until you are frothing... yes i said frothing and foaming from the mouth and you begin to regurgitate. Oh you spend several minutes just foaming the the real food comes out... only it is foamy. your stomach is a mess... your sinuses are leaking you feel like hell and the only thing that helps is keeping very still, DRINK NOTHING, and hoping you survive to go again. Then after all that the only thing you can eat is shakes, liquids and of course the hot tea. Lots and lots of hot tea.

My favorite hot tea has become TAZO calming... it is actually not a strong tea and something that I can keep down.

Oh I found a recipe on DVO and i will publish it here.

Baked Salmon with cucumber-Dill dip.

1 - 4 oz Salmon Fillet
salt and pepper
lemon juice

bake in oven on 350 for 25 minutes or until salmon is flaky and opaque (means pink and not see thru)
Dip
1/2 cup of diced cucumber ( i used the regular but and English would be nice)
1 teaspoon of dill weed (actually i used more like 3 teaspoons but I like the taste of dill)
salt and pepper
2 table spoons of Sour Cream (I used 2% Greek Yogurt instead of Sour Cream because i needed the protein)
lemon juice
2 green onions diced small

Mix all with spoon and spread over fish when fish comes out of oven

Now most of you know I am a country girl that never ate a fish that wasn't battered and fried. But this was actually good. I am getting better at eating fish which is not a strong point.

well that is all for tonight. I hope that everyone had a great weekend.