Flubber, Blubber a useful thing

Well my shoulder pain has now been diagnosed right. I am not mad at the chiropractor because he did help but I just couldn't stand the damn pain I was in every time i tried to move my arm up or out to the side or even pick up Gavyn.... Yesterday I went to my Primary Care Physician Dr. Davis for my shoulder and because I have the crud... you know that snotty weather changing crap that I get or most people get every year. Well I went there because snot was being held up in my lapband pouch and not going through so when I ate or drank i was slimming or pb'ing... you think that is gross... be on my end... anyway... i mentioned my shoulder... showed dr. davis my lump and he sent me to a an orthopedic surgeon there in the clinc... which surprise of surprise he got me in immediately (because he had gotten done surgery and hospital rounds early) so off i go. he looked at my arm then sent me to Xray.... I have a bone spur a very large bone spur that is poking and ripping my rotater cuff every time I move it... and I am to have an MRI very soon to see how much damage i have had done... ok you ask just why did it all of a sudden start having pain... "LOSS of FAT".... the blubber i had on my shoulder had been cushioning that bone spur and so that is why I didn't have a lot of pain. so instead of cutting into the rotator cuff it was cutting into the blubber or flubber. and the big lump i have on the bicep that didn't show up until this all happened... well it is a FAT TUMOR something that hasn't been absorbed by my body... Can you believe this i start losing weight and then all the cushion i have built up over the years is leaving and i am finding more problems... i am beginning to wonder what i will find at the end of this journey...

ok.... 72lbs lost.... to me that is a lot of poundage... I am really very proud of myself... I am in a Misses size 16... yes not a woman's size 16. the differences is a woman's size 16 is cut larger at the hips.... sooooooo... a size 16 and I can buy at the regular stores... I can actually walk into a regular store and buy regular clothes... I have found that this is a lot of fat women's dream is to walk into a trendy store to buy off the rack.... you know i am glad i got lap band and it has helped me... it is a tool for me to lose weight... but you know I could have done this on my own... if i had been more diligent on my diet and exercise program... but i ignored it... i really could have lost the weight if I hadn't ignored the rules... the band is just helping me to lose weight just like a scale or smaller portions do.... I really wish i had done this years ago... taken Weight Watchers seriously or any diet seriously... and actually did them correctly instead of sneaking a bite here or a donut there... lets face it I was a sneaky eater.... and i sabotaged my own self... it wasn't that Weight Watchers did work (the many times I joined and went on it) it failed because I just didn't care enough to actually be good on it. You know hind sight is 20/20...

oh the eyes... well i sneezed and coughed and threw up hard, so much that i burst a blood vessel... on the inside of my eye... it was kind of weird it was like bug splatted on the windshield... I found out that it was in the same spot that all the bleeding has a occurred so there was no more damage than that had already been done... but if i could have held off the cough, sneeze or vomiting session i could have not burst it and it would have been sealed off next week... now I have RBC's that could stop me from having lasers in my right eye until it clears up... my eye doctor Jeffery Lee says that it should be cleared up enough by next week that i should not have any more problem but that is if i don't have any more bleeds... right now i just have a half moon at the top of my eye that I have to look through...

well folks i have to work.... tata for now... love ya

Next Meal

Have you watched Lord of the Rings they talked about "Fourth Meal". Well as a Fat person I always always think about my next meal. Something I have thought about for a while now. Why is it that I do think about my "next" meal. I think about what I want how i am going to get it an dhow much I want to eat of it and what all i want with it. then it is on to thinking about the "next " meal. I have no doubt that is why I am the way I am. Could it be because I have a need to fulfill. I don't know I don't even know if it is the "comfort" I need. Or because I use food to cover over all my problems... I do know that food is a habit though... Like a cigarette or a drug. I have come to that conclusion that I use it just like a Junkie would a drug. But I am not sure what it gives me in return... I eat until i was miserable so i would feel bad so there was no pleasure in it.... I would find myself eating without even thinking so ... what it is about Food that me as a Fat person needs or craves... it is like this weekend all i could think about is the next snack or next meal. I was bored and that was all i could think about was food. It wasn't a single thing I was craving it was just I don't know what to do with myself and sooooo lets eat. I have got to change this mind set. On the Obesityhelp.com web site people talk about "real" hunger and "head" hunger.... I think that I have always caved in to any hunger whether head or real. so is this just a thing with "fat" people... I know that it is with me and that is why I am fat... getting skinny but still fat.... also i wonder if it gets better... I sure hope so because I dislike thinking about the "next" meal knowing that I need to think about other things instead

Pioneer Days

I remember when i was a little girl when Pioneer Days meant parades, carnivals, eating things off sticks, rides, floats, horses and the like.... Pioneer Days now means a about 4 stands of stuff i don't need, food i can't eat, rides i wouldn't put my dog on and a parade that is over with in 2 minutes. It is kind of sad to think of all the fun i had a a kid... the Egg Toss, going to M & M to get a 1 cent pieceof gum.... the bins of cheap toys that for me were all the world... the sitting under the tree at other dime store to watch the parade... no more benchs under the trees that lined the street... heck there aren't any more trees... Jodi and I took Gavyn down town yesterday for Pioneer days... Turkey Leggs, cotton candy, lemonade, homemade root beer, funnel cakes and so forth. they had the trike races, and the egg toss but something is lost... it wasn't fun like it used to be.. people i didn't even know. the dime stores are gone now most of the stores are closed the streets are not as full and it is sad but the fun wasnt there any more.

A good Day

hey all Today was a good day. I got my boy for the most part. the little one didn't want to play by himself he kept crawling under my desk to get up on my lap. His mom blames me for corrupting him... I think it is her because he has to be entertained instead of entertaining himself. oh well she will learn.... but Gavyn and I were together most of the day. Poor little fellow had sore gums... and was horribly in pain... I felt so bad because he also was having a problem with allergies or something..we had to go pick up mommy so that she could take him to the doctor to help him...

I worked on my genealogy today and bought myself a web page creator so that i can get my Family page updated. I won't have to write or type out code it will automatically put it together. My girls have been playing all day. I think that Gavyn is scared of them a little because they bounce too much. I don't know if any of you ever have seen a pug(with the exception of Frank from Men in Black) but my girls are lively ones. They are flat faced, bug eyed, bouncy hyper little girls then they will keel over and lay flat out never moving but snoring non the less... Each has her own personality... My first girl was Rosie... she passed on a few years ago but she was a PUG... short, stout, squat, flat faced and blond... Smart as a whip though she was a good girl very quiet like an old lady. But everyday i worked she would crawl into my lap with her big bugged eyes and just quietly lay there never barking never quick moves just a solid old lady.... she wasn't old though just an old spirit... she passed on a couple of years ago... and i still miss her... the next one is Blossem... a tall leggy black female... flat faced, bugged eyes not your typical pug body... but full blood... she is the boss aroundhere... keeping everyone in line by hook or by crook She is always at my left side whether in the chair or on in bed. She really is a sweet girl but Chloe really gets under her skin at times. the next is Daisey. a big old black female... she has a big belly and is 10 lbs bigger than blossem... she has little ears that stick out a little and she is not that bright at times... but if you ever need a sweet girl then that is Daisey... she is shy and timid a little but ever the sweet girl.... Now there is Chloe.... oh my my my supposedly when i bought her she was a "mini" pug... not to get over 8 lbs. her mom and dad were very little but this little blond girl grew up... and at 17 lbs she is between blossem and daisey... wiry, vocal, bouncy, quick, darting, spooky of everything, and just down right bouncy she gets on every one's nerves... but she is a good girl... when she finally quiets down she is sweet girl too... but she doesn't like Jodi at all.... so when jodi is here we have a barking demon... So that is my girls... i hope to have pictures soon... so you can see my girls....

well it is evening.... and my boy tired me out completely... i am going to get to bed early....

tata folks...